Single Parenting

Single parenting.... means that you have to function as both mom and dad. I say this to inspire both those who are alone. It is challenging, but there are many examples of children who have been raised by mom or dad. In my article, I will explore fine children being raised by mom or dad and offer some important tips.

Children at a higher risk of behavior and social skills are children of divorce. The stress and trauma affected by the break up can cause behavioral problems associated with adjustment. The risks decrease when the parents can still come together as a team and support the best interests of the child/children.

We can't assume because we say single parenting that these children are children of divorce. Many single parents have never been married or survived the death of a loved one. Isolation, lack of support, financial struggles and emotional overwhelm can still be suffered by parents that are not divorced but have been impacted by a death. The child absorbs and mirrors the adult's feelings, for example, if the adult/parent is constantly stressed or overwhelmed, the child will feel this also.

To help you manage your stress, you need to get a support group, friends or relatives. Be relaxed, if you are not relaxed, your child cannot be relaxed. Start your own support group to talk about your experiences if there is not one in your area. If there is something that you need to get done or just some time on your own, offer to watch each others' children because it is important that you get some alone time, away from your child and job.

Having a role models of both genders for every child, this means finding a mentor. The mentors could be a coach, teacher, someone from a group, or a church. Before letting this mentor around your child, you need to know the person. The importance of a mentor of your child's gender is not to be underestimated
Most adults tend to be goal oriented, while most children are process orientated. Which means be an active participant in your child's growing awareness and what interests your child. You must allow your self to become process oriented in order to play with her or engage in her interests, engage your child in activities he/she loves. When you go beyond meeting the child's physical and emotional needs, this is how single parents creates that bond.

Make bonds with your child by connection and communication. During the tough and mundane moments, your child will need someone to be as a guide. Connecting and communicating with your child not only energizes you but it feels good and will meet your child's needs, it is difficult to do this as a single parent because you are their sole provider, but with married parents you have the support of the other parent when the other one is unavailable.

To create a healthy, loving relationship with your child try to incorporate these important tips in your child's life. Single parenting can be rewarding, fulfilling, and tough. The future of your child's physical, emotional and spiritual well-being depends on if you use the tips or not.

Source

Fitting in at school

Isolation from not being invited to play games or other age appropriate kid activities is a form of bullying, and social withdrawal, low self-esteem and even diminished academic achievement can result if adult intervention does not take place.

Children who are excluded from peers or don't have friends at child care or school could suffer lasting psychological damage. Kids may not necessarily tell their parents or other adults. Not sitting with others at a table, being excluded from games or social times such as recess or outdoor play, or not having anyone in a class or group who interacts with them in any way can be peer rejection. You notice that your child seems isolated on the playground, in the classroom, he often sits by himself. At home, he says he has no friends, or that he doesn't like school. When he's with family or the boy next door who he knows well, he's fine. And you have already ruled out serious disorders, such as autism or other conditions that affect child social development. 

Socially inhibited is what experts call these kind of children. With shy children, behaviors may include trouble fitting in or even talking to others. Making excuses like, "He's just shy," doesn't solve anything. Excessive shyness can lead to isolation, intimidation and trouble with learning. Shy children can often be overlooked because they do not have a learning disability or require formal mental health services. Parents often have limited success trying to figure out what to do. 

Possible social shyness is a sign. In early childhood, it is normal for a child to play alone next to another child playing alone, this is called "parallel play." By kindergarten children should be interacting with playmates fairly easily. 

Children feel more outgoing when they have friends and family using early socializing. A cold, rejecting environment, at home or elsewhere, will have the opposite effect. Socially isolated children can spiral into a cycle of rejection through elementary school and into the teen years. 

So, with this said...

What should parents/adults do if they suspect their child is the victim of social exclusion?

• If parents are concerned about their child, they should take the matter up with the child's care provider, teacher or coach. Ask the teacher/care provider whether they are taking steps to make the child feel included by other children or if they have noticed the problem.         
• While at home, make sure your child feels loved and supported. To assist with peer assistance, ensure social skills are taught to assist with peer assistance. If the exclusion is due to any socially-unacceptable behavior or patterns, this might discourage friendships from forming. 
• Make sure your child gets into activities outside of daycare or school to make sure the same patters of isolation, social withdrawal or exclusion doesn't exist. To help resolve the issue, you could place your child in a different classroom setting or different teacher. 
• Talking to a school counselor or a child psychologist will help if needed. If you ignore the problem, it just makes it worse for the child. A child's self-esteem and ability to make/have friends will not be addressed or resolved. 
• To make children more successfully engage with others, you can, as a parent, volunteer or help out in your child's classroom where you can observe interactions. 

• 
  

Source

Night Terrors cont.

What causes night terrors.


I did a lot of research on this topic after 3 nights of my daughter having these. Here are some causes and ways to cope as a parent and help your child cope. This is an insert from kidshealth.org


What Causes Night Terrors?

Night terrors are caused by over-arousal of the central nervous system (CNS) during sleep. This may happen because the CNS (which regulates sleep and waking brain activity) is still maturing. Some kids may inherit a tendency for this over-arousal — about 80% who have night terrors have a family member who also experienced them or sleepwalking (a similar type of sleep disturbance).

Night terrors have been noted in kids who are:

• overtired or ill, stressed, or fatigued
• taking a new medication
• sleeping in a new environment or away from home

Night terrors are relatively rare — they happen in only 3-6% of kids, while almost every child will have a nightmare occasionally. Night terrors usually occur between the ages of 4 and 12, but have been reported in kids as young as 18 months. They seem to be a little more common among boys.

A child might have a single night terror or several before they cease altogether. Most of the time, night terrors simply disappear on their own as the nervous system matures.

Coping With Night Terrors

Night terrors can be very upsetting for parents, who might feel helpless at not being able to comfort or soothe their child. The best way to handle a night terror is to wait it out patiently and make sure the child doesn't get hurt by thrashing around. Kids usually will settle down and return to sleep on their own in a few minutes.

It's best not to try to wake kids during a night terror. Attempts usually don't work, and kids who do wake are likely to be disoriented and confused, and may take longer to settle down and go back to sleep.

There's no treatment for night terrors, but you can help prevent them. Try to:

• reduce your child's stress
• establish and stick to a bedtime routine that's simple and relaxing
• make sure your child gets enough rest
• prevent your child from becoming overtired by staying up too late

Understanding night terrors can reduce your worry — and help you get a good night's sleep yourself. But if night terrors happen repeatedly, talk to your doctor about whether a referral to a sleep specialist is needed.

Source

Stages of childhood

Child Psychology is a way of looking at the issues, stages and various influences that a child experiences throughout their development into functioning adults. The actual process of psychological development that the child goes through when growing up and the analysis and treatment of the various problems that a child may face throughout their development are two main areas that child psychology can be divided into. Many influences are responsible for shaping their ways of seeing the world, their ideas of their own identity and their place within society, during a child's development from infancy to adulthood. The factors that shape a child are environmental setting, family, community and the media. A child would develop successfully into a happily functioning adult, without any problems along the way, in a perfect world. This is not usually the case and many children find that they struggle throughout the process.

Infancy, early childhood, middle childhood, and adolescence are the four stages of childhood. I will give you a brief summary of the main stages of childhood development and the important steps and influences a child faces at each stage.

Infancy:

This stage lasts from birth until about the age of 2. A great deal of initial learning occurs in this stage. Parents behavior is an important part of this stage, this is called learning through environmental cues. Basic skills are mastered during this time, such as crying, nursing, coordination and the ability to represent images and objects with words. 

The parents are the most important influence in this stage of the child's life. A child at the ages of 7-9 months will experience attachment, and that is very common among parents at this age. This is an important factor in determining how a child will behave in future relationships as they mature. 

Early Childhood:

This is a child's early years, from 2-6 years old. This is when they undergo a great deal of mental development and social development. Identity is usually formed in this stage and the child learns how to function in a social setting. This is usually when children will learn about aggression and prosocial behaviour and that is why parenting is very important at this stage of development, as well as community influences. 

Middle Childhood:

During this stage, friendships and peer relations become very important, as children begin to spend a lot of time with their peers. It is important that they find a place within their social group, therefore this requires increased attention to social rules and an increased ability to consider other peoples point of view. Children are placed into a certain category of social status based on how they are treated by their peers. Children who receive positive attention from their peers are considered Popular children. Children who receive little attention or negative attention are considered rejected children. Children who are generally ignored by their peers rather than disliked are neglected. Children who receive both positive and negative attention are controversial children. Children who are selectively and actively harmed, psychologically and physically by a few in their peer group are usually victimized children. Bullies are children who act aggressively without provocation in order to dominate children. 

Why are some Children popular and others are not?

Popular children seem to be physically attractive and skilled at interacting and maintaining positive relationships, being socially competent. Rejected children are ofter highly aggressive and are often treated negatively. They underestimate how much others dislike them and they overestimate their competence and social skills. Neglected children are less sociable, but not aggressive or shy. Their social status will improve over time. They are often like by their teachers because they perform academically and are cooperative. Controversial children are aggressive, but they compensate for it by joking and using social skills so they don't break relationships with others. The children who lose their tempers easily and are immature or dependent are usually the victimized children. Bullies are usually aggressive without provocation and it is beneficial for them to behave that way because they usually get something they want. 

Self-Esteem:

This stage (Middle childhood) is the time when most children begin to judge themselves and are judged by others. Children who have good self-esteem see themselves as competent and smart and likes who they are. A child will have poor self-esteem if that child fails to demonstrate some skill that they feel makes them worthy. Children use two factors to judge their worth - their degree of competence and their acceptance. The children who will have the lower self-esteem will usually feel that they are lacking certain skills or are not accepted by others than those who perceive themselves to be high in these areas. 

Foundations for self-esteem:

Parenting plays a very important roll in the self-esteem of a child. There are three parental characteristics that combine to produce high self-esteem in children. 

1. Parents accept their children. Children with high self-esteem have mothers who are closer and more affectionate. A child views their mother as supportive and accepts their mother's approval.
2. Parents set clearly defined limits. Parents can contribute to a child's self definition by enforcing strict limits on a child's activities and appear to give their child a sense that norms are real and significant.
3. Parents respect individuality. Children who are allowed a great deal of self-expression usually have higher self-esteem. Parents show respect for children's ideas by reasoning with them and considering their points of view.

Adolescence 

Looking at the issues, stages and various influences that a child experiences throughout their development into functioning is this stage. Child and adolescent psychology can be divided into two main areas- the actual process of psychological development that the child goes through when growing up and the analysis and treatment of the various problems that a child may face throughout their development. 

This stage is from 12-18 years old and this is a particularly hard time for children. There are all kinds of new changes in their bodies and in their feelings. This stage is where the children are trying to leave behind their childhood and become adults so they often feel misunderstood. Rebellious behavior, lying, cheating, school performance problems, negative attitudes, disobedience and disrespect, sibling rivalry, drug and alcohol abuse, pressures from peers, depression, and issues of sexuality are how adolescence are usually characterized by.

Source

Night Terrors

I would like to talk about something that is totally off the subject of child psychology. I am going to take a few minutes out of your time and talk about night terrors. I am going to talk about night terrors because this past month I have had to deal with them with my oldest daughter. She had them 3 nights in a row and there is nothing you can really do, they just have to wake them selves out of it. Read on for more information about night terrors from Complete Children's Health.


Night Terrors:

Night terrors

Night terrors occur most often in toddlers and preschoolers and take place during the deepest stages of sleep. During a night terror, your child might

 Cry uncontrollably.

 Sweat, shake, or breathe fast.

 Have a terrified, confused, or glassy-eyed look.

 Thrash around, scream, kick, or stare.

 Not recognize you or realize you are there.

 Try to push you away, especially if you try to hold him.

While night terrors can last as long as 45 minutes, most are much shorter. Most children fall right back to sleep after a night terror because they actually have not been awake. Unlike a nightmare, a child will not remember a night terror.

What you can do

 Stay calm. Night terrors are often more frightening for the parent than the child.

 Do not try to wake your child.

 Make sure your child cannot hurt himself. If he tries to get out of bed, gently restrain him.

Remember, after a short time, your child will probably relax and sleep quietly again. If your child has night terrors, be sure to tell babysitters what they are and what to do. If night terrors persist, talk with your pediatrician.  

Night terror source: Complete Children's Health, American Academy of Pediatrics


Night terrors can be alarming if you are the one getting up with your child, but are not usually a cause or concern for a deeper medical issue. It is probably more scary for you than the child because the child usually does not even know what is going on and will not remember it in the morning (amnesia) because they were in deep sleep (non REM). As a person who has studied a lot of psychology, I know that night terrors are not psychological, they just happen because the child is overly tired or worn out.


Most dreaming occurs during the REM or rapid eye movement stage of sleep, which is where night mares happen. During deep non-REM or non rapid eye movement stage is when the night terrors happen. A night terror is a sudden reaction of fear that happens from one sleep phase, which is deeper sleep from non-REM to another stage, which is lighter REM during the transition. Usually the transition is smooth, but when it is not smooth that's when the child becomes agitated  and frightened and that fear reaction becomes the night terrors.

Source

Child Development

Child Development helps parents create healthy parent-child relationship.


Understanding child development will help you to see that behavior reveals deeper needs. You will gain patience, wisdom, compassion and perspective, by understanding the stages of development through which all humans pass. While raising a happy, healthy child, who exudes confidence, a sense of humanity and integrity these are the qualities you will need to cultivate in order to become the best parent you can be.  



In future posts, I will detail the stages of child development. In addition, I will break down stage by stage and discuss the struggles and conflicts presented by each phase and give suggestions for resolving them and creating positive outcomes. I will also talk about child behavior and development so you will know what constitutes normal behavior and what your child might need help with.


Understanding this process, will give you a broad base knowledge of behavior, while ensuring your child's progression through each stage and encouraging growth and progressive independence.

Source

How to raise a fun and funny kid

I always sign up to receive emails from various child sites but never really read them, just skim through the articles or just delete them but this particular one reminded me of my kids.

I found this article from babycenter.com that's called "How to raise a fun and funny child." A childhood filled with fun and laughter can last a lifetime, says development experts who have studied humor. "A sense of humor offers a huge advantage in life," says Lawrence J. Cohen, author of Playful Parenting and a psychologist specializing in children's play. "It's one of the best ways people have figured out to cope with things that are difficult." 


A child is more likely to make strong friendships, be well-liked by peers, and as an adult get along with colleagues at work, manage frustration, diffuse conflict, and suffer less from depression when his funny bone can easily be tapped. Intelligence, self-esteem, creativity, and problem solving is usually linked to a sense of humor. 


Humor is a form of intellectual play, according to humor expert Paul McGhee. Laughter is initially stimulated by physical play, tickling or very gently rough play, in infants. Babies begin taking pleasure in seeing that known world turned on its head- the very essence of humor, as early as 6 or 7 months. 


A sign that your child is developing significant intellectual skills is when he "gets the joke." So, when your infant gurgles with glee over a game of peekaboo, your 1 year old titters madly when you sing "Mary had a little lamb" in a Tweety Bird voice, your preschooler giggles wildly when you hold a shoe up to your ear and say, "Hello?", or your 7 year old pulls off his first prank. This reminds me of my kids because if we (mom & dad) say something funny, my 4 & 2 year olds will say, "Mom, you are just kidding." Or my 2 year old son will say something then he will start laughing and say, "I was just kidding", or "I was just joking." 


A baby's earliest laughter, and most humor that follows in childhood and into adulthood, is a main form of social bonding, says Provine. When laughter is engaged with another person, it could be said that humor, a more sophisticated means to evoke giggles or guffaws is a way to re-create that unadulterated joy of childhood. 


Source