Children who are excluded from peers or don't have friends at child care or school could suffer lasting psychological damage. Kids may not necessarily tell their parents or other adults. Not sitting with others at a table, being excluded from games or social times such as recess or outdoor play, or not having anyone in a class or group who interacts with them in any way can be peer rejection. You notice that your child seems isolated on the playground, in the classroom, he often sits by himself. At home, he says he has no friends, or that he doesn't like school. When he's with family or the boy next door who he knows well, he's fine. And you have already ruled out serious disorders, such as autism or other conditions that affect child social development.
Socially inhibited is what experts call these kind of children. With shy children, behaviors may include trouble fitting in or even talking to others. Making excuses like, "He's just shy," doesn't solve anything. Excessive shyness can lead to isolation, intimidation and trouble with learning. Shy children can often be overlooked because they do not have a learning disability or require formal mental health services. Parents often have limited success trying to figure out what to do.
Possible social shyness is a sign. In early childhood, it is normal for a child to play alone next to another child playing alone, this is called "parallel play." By kindergarten children should be interacting with playmates fairly easily.
Children feel more outgoing when they have friends and family using early socializing. A cold, rejecting environment, at home or elsewhere, will have the opposite effect. Socially isolated children can spiral into a cycle of rejection through elementary school and into the teen years.
So, with this said...
What should parents/adults do if they suspect their child is the victim of social exclusion?
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- If parents are concerned about their child, they should take the matter up with the child's care provider, teacher or coach. Ask the teacher/care provider whether they are taking steps to make the child feel included by other children or if they have noticed the problem.
- While at home, make sure your child feels loved and supported. To assist with peer assistance, ensure social skills are taught to assist with peer assistance. If the exclusion is due to any socially-unacceptable behavior or patterns, this might discourage friendships from forming.
- Make sure your child gets into activities outside of daycare or school to make sure the same patters of isolation, social withdrawal or exclusion doesn't exist. To help resolve the issue, you could place your child in a different classroom setting or different teacher.
- Talking to a school counselor or a child psychologist will help if needed. If you ignore the problem, it just makes it worse for the child. A child's self-esteem and ability to make/have friends will not be addressed or resolved.
- To make children more successfully engage with others, you can, as a parent, volunteer or help out in your child's classroom where you can observe interactions.
